Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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