you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
