it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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