I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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