I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
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