i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
It's like God shit irony all over that family
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
