What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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