So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
