So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
