Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
