Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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