Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Randomize
