your thong is hanging out like whoa
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
