i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.