It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.