Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
did you just send me my own nude
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
