just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!