It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
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Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
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they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.