Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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