Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
