I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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