I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
