Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
