Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
