i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize