I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
