i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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