walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
