this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
