On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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