Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Randomize
