Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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