she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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