We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
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