I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
