I just pynch a tree in the face
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I deserve this hangover.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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