Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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