Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
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I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
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The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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