there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Randomize
