Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
