My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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