just survived the first fart of the relationship.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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