two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I just want nice things and good sex
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
