You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
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