So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
