2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
