seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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