btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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