Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
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