Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
