Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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