moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
