You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
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