But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
