hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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