i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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