Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
