How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
