morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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