I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
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My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Blow job season was short but glorious.
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I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
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