when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
