My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
