I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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