You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
