Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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