Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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