one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
