I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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