weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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