Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
