I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
