I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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