I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
