get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
