I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I have grass duct taped all over my body
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
They are going to name an STD after you.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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