Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
