I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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