my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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