Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
