I am puke
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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