Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
