I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
