YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
my god I love twenty year old dicks
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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