btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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