were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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