Nicole vs. Life
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
