Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
