Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
