Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize
